This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
