the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
