Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When are your genitals available?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
