just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
