This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm really busy with my period
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