Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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