Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just threw up on my dentist
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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