just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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