Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
