I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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