Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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