Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
