i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
