You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize