Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
