your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
