i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
