he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
