I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
