i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
