it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
