sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
