I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
