No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
