My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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