im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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