were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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