It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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