Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
