So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
