I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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