the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
