Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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