I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
