I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
