I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
