The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
