I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
