the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
