i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
