Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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