This is not my ceiling
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
