I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
