wanna go halves on a baby?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
