Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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