I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize