remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
