Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
