just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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