Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize