This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
