first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
