Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
