she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
