taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
