I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
