Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
