dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
