Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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