I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
