Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
