im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
