what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dick very happy bro
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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