It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
