pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
