maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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