i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
