if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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