I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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