found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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