The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
