If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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