Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
