It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
