Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
