I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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