I'm really into asian looking animals
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
