I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
