I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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