I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
