Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize