are you so shy because you have an std?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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