Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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