What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
jump out the window naked night went bad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
