What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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